Chapter 1 – Graduate (1)
[Prologue – Verse 2] I Can’t See Ghosts
I wasn’t always a bad adult. And I certainly wasn’t a bad kid.
I, too, had a childhood filled with dreams and hope.
“Oh! Moon-soo, the patient’s guardian is desperately waiting for you.”
“I really didn’t want to come to this hospital…”
“Tch, is that something you say in front of the hospital director who’s giving you work?”
“Yes.”
“That guy… You were such a good kid when you carried a schoolbag.”
“I was naïve back then.”
My humanity and my life started to go off the rails from that point.
***
“ Moon-soo, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Still, I’m sorry. I couldn’t be a good parent.”
“…”
I was at a loss for words at my father’s sincere apology as he lay weakly in the ICU of a university hospital.
Where did it all go wrong?
A meaningless question.
“The doctor said your blood alcohol level was extremely high at the time of the accident.”
It wasn’t drunk driving. The car that held our beautiful memories had long been sold off to the used car market.
“It was tough.”
“Yes.”
He meant it was so tough that he drank from the moment he woke up in the morning.
As a son, I couldn’t lecture my father not to make excuses, so I just listened quietly.
It was true that things were hard.
“If I hadn’t been so stubborn…”
“You didn’t know it would turn out like this.”
My father tried to change his life and failed. Disastrously so, to the point that both his body and mind were broken.
“I wanted to make a lot of money and become rich.”
“I know.”
Never satisfied with his low-income job, my father had always been interested in stocks and real estate.
This was the result.
“I was arrogant.”
“It’s not your fault, Dad. The problem is the people who egged you on, showing only success stories.”
It wasn’t much comfort, but I wanted to say something, anything.
“I thought I was different.”
“You did well at first.”
I could still vividly recall my father’s confidence that he’d become rich quickly. It wasn’t that long ago.
“But I couldn’t overcome natural talent. I wasn’t even competing—I was just dancing in the palm of their hands.”
“…”
As I watched my father lament as if passing down some grand life lesson, my insides boiled with frustration.
‘Did you have to learn that the hard way?’
The world isn’t kind enough for an ordinary person to outshine a genius through effort alone.
Not every genius is arrogant and lazy like the hare in Aesop’s fable ‘The Tortoise and the Hare’.
Ironically, real hares are too busy competing with other hares to even notice the tortoise.
“I wanted to be a great husband, a great father.”
“I know.”
“So I tried.”
“I know that too.”
But there were too many people in the world better than my father, and he failed.
That’s all there was to it.
“I—”
“Stop.”
“What…?”
“Just stop! My head’s about to explode because of you, Dad! I don’t even have money for textbooks, and I have no idea how to cover hospital bills with digits I can’t even fathom!”
My patience, which I’d held back so tightly, finally snapped, and my voice rose.
What money does an ordinary high school student have?
I was going insane.
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
“How can I not worry? We don’t even have money for today’s hospital bill.”
“I won’t be here for long. I know my body best.”
“Ha…”
As soon as I heard my father had been taken away in an ambulance, I skipped an important class and rushed to the hospital.
And the cause of it all… ugh.
Alcohol is the enemy.
“Moon-soo.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t live like me. Don’t ignore the results of your aptitude test.”
“Okay.”
My father’s earnest advice was utterly unhelpful.
Live according to your aptitude.
In other words, do what you’re good at.
Common sense anyone would know.
“I’m sorry.”
“Rest. I’ll come back right after my part-time job.”
“Don’t come.”
“That’s my decision. I’ll handle your surgery and hospital bills too.”
“…I’m sorry.”
I didn’t know then that this would be our last conversation.
***
Everyone has dreams as a child, a cool job they want to pursue when they grow up.
My friends are no different.
“Please! I want to be an astronaut.”
“Ha! If you’re an astronaut, I could easily be president.”
“Why the attitude first thing in the morning? It’s just what I want.”
“Yeah, dreams are free. Oh! Except for one guy who doesn’t have dreams.”
“Tch. Life’s so unfair.”
As they passionately debated this trivial topic, their gazes naturally turned to me.
“What? Is there something on my face?”
“You’re such a show-off.”
“I know.”
It’s probably rare for someone my age to have gone through their parents’ funeral and still keep pushing forward.
I’d also like to give myself credit for not relying on relatives.
“…”
“…”
My bold attitude left my classmates speechless.
And a few seconds later,
“The guy who has it all is rubbing it in!”
“Boo! Kang Moon-soo, get lost!”
“You think you’re the only one who wants to live well? Pfft!”
A barrage of jeers followed.
Why?
“If you’re gonna act all high and mighty after messing around, at least have some conscience.”
I hadn’t been messing around—I was just too busy with part-time jobs to have any free time. But regardless of the reason, I had achieved meaningful results.
Math, science, social studies, music, physical education…
I maintained high grades in nearly every subject.
And today, with the high school’s last vacation ceremony two weeks away, the results of those efforts were about to come to light.
And it wasn’t just me.
“Ugh… I’m so nervous.”
“You too? Me too!”
“I hope I did well.”
“I’m shaking…”
Every student in the classroom was on edge, their faces tense as if waiting for exam results. No, this was probably even more nerve-wracking.
“Whoa!”
“She’s here!”
“Everyone, back to your seats!”
My friends, who had been sneaking glances down the hallway, shouted in a frenzy.
And about ten seconds later,
Creak-
The classroom door opened, and the woman we’d been eagerly waiting for stepped in, her arms full of pristine white envelopes.
Having spent roughly a year with us, she was our homeroom teacher.
Her gaze, as she looked at her graduating students, was filled with affection and concern.
“Everyone, have you been waiting long?”
Thud.
Our homeroom teacher placed the stack of white envelopes on the podium and began speaking.
“…”
“…”
But with our eyes glued to the tower of envelopes on the podium, we weren’t in the mood to respond.
With a faint, bittersweet smile, she continued,
“I understand. You’re more nervous than during exams. Your seniors felt the same way.”
Swish-
Carefully picking up the topmost envelope, she spoke in a calm tone.
“As announced, the results of the aptitude test conducted by the Ministry of Education are here. Inside these envelopes are your results.”
“Ah!”
“Ohh!”
The suffocating silence broke, and sighs echoed from every corner of the classroom.
The aptitude test.
A test to determine one’s aptitude for work.
Like compulsory education, everyone born in this country must take this test without exception.
“Teacher.”
A brave female student raised her hand and spoke.
“Do you have a question?”
“Yes. Did you take this test too, Teacher?”
“Of course. I took the aptitude test around the same time as you all. And my result was high school math teacher.”
That’s why she stood at this podium, guiding us in high school math.
Even without saying it explicitly, every student in this classroom, anxiously awaiting their aptitude test results, knew this fact.
‘The aptitude test…’
If my father had accepted his results like our teacher did…
My mind grew cluttered with thoughts.
Clap clap!
At that moment, our homeroom teacher clapped her hands, breaking the tense atmosphere with a bright voice.
“Alright! From now on, when I call your name, come forward to receive your aptitude test results.”
“Finally!”
“Ugh!”
“Number 1, Kang Moon-soo.”
“Yes.”
“Number 2, Kang Seung-ho.”
“Yes!”
As we returned to our seats with our envelopes, we carefully began to open our aptitude test results.
Swish-
“Yes! Doctor…!”
“No way! That guy who’s always getting hurt is a doctor?!”
“Seriously? I’m jealous.”
“And it’s a veterinarian! I love pets!”
“Wow! Congrats!”
Students who got the job they wanted—or even better than expected—let out cheers of joy.
“Huh?”
“What?”
“I thought it’d be something athletic… but it’s not soccer.”
“What is it?”
“Volleyball player.”
Those whose results slightly deviated from their expectations tilted their heads in confusion.
“What’s this…?”
“Hm? What job did you get?”
“Gourmet.”
“…Like, someone who eats food and reviews it, right?”
“Yeah. But dieting is my life, so why…?”
Some were bewildered by unusual job results.
“What’s this…?”
“Hm? What job did you get?”
“President.”
“Crazy! For real?!”
“For real! So, what’s my career path now? Business? Political science? Or maybe I need to join protests or volunteer work…?”
Some were thrown into confusion by results that were too grand. One of them was my friend.
As the noisy classroom finally quieted down,
“Kang Moon-soo?”
“Yeah, what about Moon-soo?”
“What’s your job?”
The gazes of the students who had checked their results turned to me.
“I’m curious too,” said our homeroom teacher, who, due to privacy rules, hadn’t seen the students’ results and was brimming with interest.
“…”
I slowly pulled the aptitude test result from the pristine white envelope.
‘Please.’
My father had desperately wanted to make a lot of money, but his aptitude test result didn’t meet his expectations.
What about me?
I didn’t have big dreams. Any job that would let me earn money right after high school graduation would do.
“Maybe Moon-soo’s gonna be president too?”
“Since he likes science, maybe a technician or researcher.”
“Now I’m getting excited for no reason!”
“Maybe an astronaut…”
Amidst all sorts of guesses, I flipped over the result sheet I had placed face-down on my desk.
“Huh?”
I doubted my eyes.
So I rubbed them with both hands and cautiously looked again—
“This is ridiculous!”
You can’t retake the aptitude test. No matter how many times I looked, the result was the same.
“Moon-soo, tell us!”
“What’s your aptitude?”
“Come on, show it!”
Now everyone in the classroom was staring at me.
“My job is…”
There’s no point hiding it. The Ministry of Education has a record of my aptitude test result.
It’ll be shared with my homeroom teacher soon for career counseling.
‘Father…’
The image of a man who rejected his aptitude test result flashed through my mind.
“Is it hard to say?”
“…No.”
Snapped back to reality by my teacher’s words, I read it out with a sigh, exactly as it was written on the result sheet.
“Shaman.”
Looks like I’ll be working with ghosts I’ve never even seen.
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